No lamb, no garden, no immaculate conception but there IS something about me.


Baby Come Back: A surprising update

I got some no good, awful, very bad news yesterday. It appears that I have to go out on medical leave for work which is what I have been trying to avoid for the last month. I won't get to deep into it but it wasn't my decision and in the last two days I have absolutely proved that Maybelline Falsies Mascara is not sob-like-a-four-year-old-passing-Build-A-Bear proof but that Urban Decay 24/7 liquid liner hangs on like a damn champ. My one and only love, forever and always amen.

I will tell you that the girls are pretty excited about it. Trixie is because she will have a lap on standby for the next three weeks and Archie is because she will have unlimited living room play time.

This is happening right now.
Today I went to the physical therapist for the first time and had some more waterworks when I found out that my copay is $40 a visit. Honestly, how do people afford such a thing? Do they know what that is the equivalent of in shoes for 2-3 visits a week? I feel bad for my PT, he seems like a super nice guy and I was a miserable grump of a human being. Here's a public shout out to Noah the PT (his official name): thanks for being awesome and dealing with me being a girl. Well, other than that whole part where you jammed that extra sharp knife right through my lower back and then had to peel me off the ceiling when I screamed bloody murder and attached myself to it in self defense. Oh, you were just gently palpating it to isolate where the pain was coming from? Lies. All lies.

Afterwards to make myself feel better I ate a cuban chicken panini from Panera and pretended that it was 200 calories with 4 carbs. I then wandered around Marshall's until I found a book on Michael Buble for  $3.99 which made me happy for at least an hour because he is the second hottest Canadian I know. Please see below for the first hottest on the left with the middle of our sandwhich being my favorite St. Louis superstar. If this picture didn't cheer me up just from seeing two of my favorite faces in one of my favorite places (ha!) then sight of me fitting in those pants does.

 I am trying my best (despite being a miserable ass) to look on the bright side of things of this situation though so here is a list:

1) My new bff/least favorite person Noah the PT told me that I can't do planks for at least a month. Cue the Hallelujah chorus (I reference this a lot because I spent a lot of years singing it in every arrangement imaginable and it's kind of my jam...despite the fact that I am still unclear on the whole "omnipotent reigneth" thing).

Oh, heck, I'll just give it to you. Fist pound to my alto sisters at 2:53 on showing them how to hold that business down without ever getting the glory.

2) Noah the PT thinks that I tore a ligament in my back. Why is this a happy thing? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG! And damn if I don't like to be right even if it means negative things for me. These human medicine people, I tell ya. Spend all their time complicating everything when they answer is right there and I usually know what it is but no one bothers to ask me.

3) I can finally deep clean my house which has needed to be done for 2.25 years, basically since I started my job. I have no idea how a little 3lb bun can shed so much hair but it's like some weird lagamorph infused John Wayne Western around here with the bunny tumbleweeds blowing by despite furminating her against her will twice a week. Of course, I can't lift anything or bend over a ton so we'll see how this plan goes. I may very well be asking for ideas on what to add to my Netflix list instead.

4) I can finally start on clearing out my closet so I can work on my blog sale. Quite a few lovely lady friends of mine have expressed an interest in my clothes and lord knows I need to clear a lot out so I am hoping to get the first round up next week. Don't worry, things will be pretty cheap and I have more new things with tags on them that I have never worn than I care to admit.

5) I can still run. Please refer to the song posted in #1. And believe me when I tell you that my mileage is going to go through the roof now that I have all the time in the world to run every day. At least it better, that is the one positive thing I am hoping to take away from all of this.

So there you have it, my friends. For the next three weeks (I am hoping that is all) I am a woman of leisure. Who wants to hang out? I'll bring the grapes.

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