Perspective

Monday was awful.

Tuesday was worse.

Today was insurmountable.

I was convinced I was going to crack at any minute.

I had an hour car ride between appointments and I cried the entire way. It was THAT awesome of a day.

And then when I finally got home I found a big box containing this:

And also a small box containing this:

The first from a bunch of amazing coworkers and the second from a dear friend.

I cried when I opened it all. Like a baby. Because sometimes I get so caught up in the negatives that I forget to see all the positives around me. And it's not about the gifts (because ALL of it was a complete surprise, I had no idea) but more about knowing that there are people out there who have my back no matter what. That things can seem hard but I truly believe that if life was always easy then we would never appreciate the really good things.

Like today. Love, respect and thoughtfulness in the form of Hello Kitty and wine.

We don't drink a lot of wine 'round these parts but when we do, we like it good.

Just like our friendships.

This is a metaphor.

I love metaphors.

The bun=
- end of the quarter/end of the year
- my mom being gone for my first Christmas ever
- not being able to see Alex again until Friday (almost 2 weeks since the last time)
 - dirty laundry
- dirty car
- dirty house
- expense reports
- cold floors
- student loans
- car troubles
- snow
- etc etc etc.

Me=

well, me.

Here's to hoping the metaphorical bun turns as sweet as the real bun soon.

P90-Ouch

Last night a friend texted me out of the blue and asked if I had P90X and was interested in joining his friend's challenege team. I don't know much about it (literally that's all the info I have) but perhaps this is divine intervention for sending me some motivation? I bought P90X about a year ago with the intention of doing some strength training but then started having heart issues so it took a back burner. Now that it looks like my cardiac region is in a stable place I'm ready to get going with running and general kicking my own ass but it is HARD. Much harder than the first time around. I have a half marathon scheduled for February (in Virginia Beach, I will NOT be running 13.1 miles in 6 degree weather, thankyouverymuch*) but am no where near running 3 miles let alone the 10-15 mile Sunday long runs I was throwing down last year at this time.

I think that the thing holding me back this time around is fear. Have you ever heard the saying, "What could you accomplish if you knew you couldn't fail?". That was me the first time I lost weight and went from semi-sedentary to running every race between 3-13 miles that I could find. This time though it's a little different because I know what I am capable off. I am an awesome human being who can accomplish great physical feats, dammit! But then there is that tiny niggling fear in the back of my brain...what if I can't get there? I can run a mile right now without dying but that's about it. My resting heartrate is still a fabulous 40BPM from being a runner (normal is 60) but let's not talk about what happens to it when I try to pound the pavement. What if I can't get ready for a half marathon while trying to run in the dead of winter? What if, what if what if...

The good news is I am really good at telling myself to shut up. So I'm going to and I'm going to email this girl starting the P90X challenge and see if she wants a weight loss has been on her team. And if she says yes then I will know this is the answer I have been looking for all along: that I CAN.


*I WILL however run 3.1 miles in 6 degree weather but only if there is a chili cookoff at the end. Which is exactly the temperature at last year's Chilly Chili in February and it remains the coldest I am (not so) willing to run in.

I don't know if you know this but...I'm kind of a big deal.

The beauty of making something with your own two hands is that when it comes out wonderfully you can just sit back and bask in the glow of your own awesomeness. There are many times that my crafting endeavors fail or come out looking completely different than I had planned in my head but when they come together in a harmonious explosion of creativity...well that's the kind of things dreams are made of.

The one downfall is that this time I can not claim originality for this bit of crafty awesomesauce. I was perusing my favorite productivity quick sand, Pinterest, this afternoon and came across this tutorial:

http://www.ecabonline.com/2010/04/braided-bead-necklace.html

It was lovely and simple but amazing all at once. I've been getting more into jewelry lately and the turquoise and gold just sang to me. I ran right out to JoAnn Fabrics (and then Hobby Lobby) to collect the necessary bits to make my own (I am not one of those people that pins things that I will never make, I'm usually the opposite and must recreate it right away). Mine isn't "perfect" because I couldn't get findings all in the right shades of gold but I think it still looks fantastic. Behold!

Please disregard my Saturday-crafting-not-looking-so-good self and focus on the beauty of that necklace. I think tomorrow I am going to try rose gold chain with cream beads because when I love something I need it in every color imaginable (refer to shirt above, I have it in 2 other colors).

Just some words to the wise if you choose to use this tutorial: it is pretty straightforward but what it doesn't mention is that tying the knots is the worst part of the project. I think I ruined 3 of 6 strands and had to restring them because of knotting issues. It helps to knot two strands of thread together before putting on your first bead pinch and then put your beads on after that. I also kept a ruler handy to keep the first string of the set on part with 5.5 inches (you could easily make a longer one, I really want to make a full necklace and pin a rhinestone broach to it) and then you can measure your second of the set against that.

Hello!

There is a facebook phenomenon I like to refer to as the "phantom stalkers". You know those people, the ones that scoff that those of us who are "always" on facebook yet can recite everything I have done in the last 6 months clearly outing them as someone who may not post a lot but spends a good amount of time reading what everyone else is doing. One could say those people know what I am doing because I post often but personally I have gone several weeks without checking facebook and have still missed monumental things like pregnancy announcments, wedding photos and trips to a grocery store because someone's husband forgot the milk again! and OMG why do all men forget everything except sports and beer??!?! so I don't believe it.

In the spirit of that I am moving myself over to the blogging world in an effort to save these poor souls whose news feed I so obviously assault*. And to be honest I am aware that I do it and I would love to say it's because I use it to keep track of friends and family because I travel so much (which is true) but if we are honest with ourselves we all know I am an attention hound with no shame in my game.

What am I going to blog about? I don't know. My rabbit, my cat, why I hate broccoli and consider it the food of satan, crafty things that I make and how to do them, weightloss, running, funny things that I see on the road? I'm not sure but I'm excited to see what happens.


*I am totally joking here, I'm starting a blog so that I can talk more and talk often and have a place to post more. But I do find it humerous that these phantom stalkers do exist and I come across them frequently.

**You may notice two older posts before this one from when I started blogging again back in August. I left them because I like them so there's a good preview of what's to come.

Hi, I'm Mary. I like glitter, stacked heels, kayaking, cats and baking cupcakes. Want to be my friend?

I woke up this morning and had another epiphany (I told you this happens a lot).

I have no friends. Like, none.

Que the crying face:

(Side note, Omg I miss you, Pacey! I've loved you since Mighty Ducks! I even own that awful movie about that secret society you made! Come back to my tv!!!)



Anyway...

Let me clarify that I DO have friends. Not a lot but a handful that are very near and dear to my heart whom I love very much. They just don't live anywhere near me and because of that it is very easy to lose track of each other with work, life and everything in between. Add that to the fact that I am a remote employee and see my coworkers a whopping 2 times a year and you have a girl who is in dire need of someone of the same sex to go shoe shopping with and cry over chick flicks with (Alex tries so hard to do both but he will just never understand the draw of any shoes over $30 that he can't hike in).

After a bit of whining about this on twitter I found a few other people in the same boat as me. What do you do when you are 31 years old and suddenly find yourself without a social circle? I've been so caught up with my "newish" job and Alex that I didn't really have time to notice until this morning that I can't even remember the last time that I went out and did something with friends. I think that friendships are essential to happiness because whether it's laughing together or crying together it's a relationship that is just so necessary to someone's well being. I also think that friendships change over time and people that fit so perfectly into your life 10 years ago may not be exactly what you need right now and have found myself in that situation quite a few times.

Therefore I am left with this dilemma: what to do? My life is spent working (from home or on the road all over NY, NJ and PA) and traveling to and from the Catskills so I rarely come across people that I see more than once. I'm a nomad who is rarely home long enough to do laundry and that in itself makes life difficult. I am an outgoing person who will literally talk to anyone (I think it's part of my charm ;) but to know me is to love me because outside of my professional life I am a total goofball and a sarcastic ass who's main goal in life is to get anyone to laugh. This doesn't always come across well at a first meeting because the shy adolescent that I used to be tends to come out and I have a hard time knowing what to say when I want someone to like me. In my mind it's the equivalent of open mouth drooling and walking around like Quasimodo (please tell me you saw the Disney version because the soundtrack was the BOMB) and although I know it's nowhere like that in my head it is much worse. Sometimes I think that it's easier to date than find a long term friend. Add in to all that that I am attention whore (yup, said it) and it's a recipe for disaster.

I have used the website meetup.com before after a pretty nasty breakup in a fit of "If he doesn't want me then I am going to go out and make all new friends and do all new things and he will see how awesome I am and will totally want me back but I won't take him!!! Unless there are flowers and making out and declarations of undying love involved. Then I'll think about it." rage (all girls do this, FYI) and joined an outdoor adventure group. I went on one hike with a group of very nice people and had a decent time until one jackass decided in a blatant show of testosterone that he should use his repelling rope to swing through the waterfall and kick off the other side. Anyone with a room temperature IQ can figure out what came next (a fractured tibia meaning that I head to carry the packs of 3 grown men out of the valley so they could carry him) and I was a little hesitant to go to another one*. I also got into running pretty hardcore at that point and it took up most of my time so I lost contact with the group.

Since then I have gone on another hike with them with Alex a month or so ago which was much more enjoyable (and much less terrifying) so I decided to give it another try and join a woman's book club. Truth be told, after all this whining, I don't really like many women as we are generally competitive bitches but I am desperate for a shoe-shopping-wine-drinking- commiserate-about-how-dirty-boys-leave-the-bathroom friend that's I'm going to go for it. I paid my $5 dues and just ordered the books off of Amazon (one is a book by Michael Pollan who's book "In Defense of Food" totally changed my way of thinking) and the other book was on mega sale for $2 so I'm already in a win-win situation. My first scheduled meet up is in September so wish me luck. This lonely gypsy needs it.


*There is actually a video of this wonderful feat online which has a bewildered cameo by yours truly. Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGwmCXJkpmc

World, you got some 'splainin to do

No one told me that when you fall in love you gain weight.

Ok, maybe they did but since I waited until I was 31 to do it the information probably got stuck somewhere in the back of my mind between the perfect way to apply Mac's fluidline and how to ping an IP address to see if it's available (I would rather not have to know that, for the record).

So imagine my surprise when I woke up one day a few weeks ago and was no longer able to slide into any dress in my way-too-extensive BCBG collection. I went on a google spree and it turns out that eating for 2 does not apply to relationships, only for procreation.

I feel so betrayed by Cupid. Don't I get some sort of grace period? I mean, come on! I spent my life waiting for the right one, kicking troll after troll to the curb in a sea of tears and cheap wine so don't I deserve a bag of Doritos or 4 without any consequences?

Turns out the answer is no. So although I do love that little naked dude with the wings and the arrows for bringing me the most fantastic guy for me, I would like to punt him across a football field. If, you know, I had any sort of athletic skill and could perform such a feat. But details.

I'd imagine that this discovery is probably shocking to any woman but given that I spent a year and a half of my life dedicated to losing as much weight as the Olsen twins combined (no joke) it was particularly heartbreaking for me. I worked so damn hard to be a size 4 and all of a sudden it was gone. Then, last week, the unthinkable happened. I was at Lowe's with Alex (my hunk of geeky man love) and the greeter asked us what we were looking for. After cheerfully announcing where we would find cup hooks and astro turf (that's another story) we walked away in search of our prizes and as we did she shouted, "When are you due??!". At first it didn't register that she was directing it at me and the 4 months of love lard that had settled upon my abdomen until she shouted it much more gleefully so I did the only thing I knew how to do. I yelled back, "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat" and then promptly burst into tears.

Because I'm a crier. And that's how we roll.

To be honest, I knew that I was gaining some weight because I haven't been able to run in months due to some medical issues and I've been eating everything not nailed down driven purely by being in love and the intoxicating draw of high fructose corn syrup but I had no idea how much until then. So here I am, not exactly back to where I started but knowing that it's going to be much more difficult this time. Because the first time it wasn't hard at all and this time...this time there are a lot more obstacles.

The good news is I know that I can do this. I did it before and I'll do it again. It just might be a lot of long, lonely nights mourning the loss of frosting and french fries.

Mmmm....frosting....