Last night a friend texted me out of the blue and asked if I had P90X and was interested in joining his friend's challenege team. I don't know much about it (literally that's all the info I have) but perhaps this is divine intervention for sending me some motivation? I bought P90X about a year ago with the intention of doing some strength training but then started having heart issues so it took a back burner. Now that it looks like my cardiac region is in a stable place I'm ready to get going with running and general kicking my own ass but it is HARD. Much harder than the first time around. I have a half marathon scheduled for February (in Virginia Beach, I will NOT be running 13.1 miles in 6 degree weather, thankyouverymuch*) but am no where near running 3 miles let alone the 10-15 mile Sunday long runs I was throwing down last year at this time.
I think that the thing holding me back this time around is fear. Have you ever heard the saying, "What could you accomplish if you knew you couldn't fail?". That was me the first time I lost weight and went from semi-sedentary to running every race between 3-13 miles that I could find. This time though it's a little different because I know what I am capable off. I am an awesome human being who can accomplish great physical feats, dammit! But then there is that tiny niggling fear in the back of my brain...what if I can't get there? I can run a mile right now without dying but that's about it. My resting heartrate is still a fabulous 40BPM from being a runner (normal is 60) but let's not talk about what happens to it when I try to pound the pavement. What if I can't get ready for a half marathon while trying to run in the dead of winter? What if, what if what if...
The good news is I am really good at telling myself to shut up. So I'm going to and I'm going to email this girl starting the P90X challenge and see if she wants a weight loss has been on her team. And if she says yes then I will know this is the answer I have been looking for all along: that I CAN.
*I WILL however run 3.1 miles in 6 degree weather but only if there is a chili cookoff at the end. Which is exactly the temperature at last year's Chilly Chili in February and it remains the coldest I am (not so) willing to run in.