I was lost so I went for a run.

I was angry, so I went for a run. And things got better.
I was confused, so I went for a run. And things got better.
I was exhausted, so I went for a run. And things got better.
I was lost, unsure, empty, afraid. Certain that whatever was left of my sanity had snapped, had come untethered and floated away, to a place so high and remote that I would never see it again, and that even if I did, I wouldn't recognize it.
So I went for a run. And things got better.
I felt like things could not possibly get worse, so I went for a run. And things got better.
(Another time, I felt like things could not get much better. I went for a run. Things got much better.)
After enough miles, over enough runs and enough years, I realized: No matter what, no matter when, or where, or why, I can find my shoes and go for a run and things will get better. And that realization? Just knowing that? It made things better.

- Mark Remy 

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I read this on facebook this morning and it exactly sums up my last few months. I believe that there are peaks, valleys and flatlands in life and I was in a flatland for quite a while that very quickly turned into a valley. But I am confident that if I keep moving I will come out on the other side because valleys can't go on forever and I can see the mountains in the horizon. And why just move when I can run? So I I am. A lot.

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To bring you up to speed on the mundane things of life (I don't know why the font is different down here but I like variety so let's roll with it):

-My back has been great for the last few months. There are some days that it's really painful but they are few and far between now and nothing that a few stretches and some ibuprophen can't fix and for that I am grateful. It really hates me running anything over than 10 miles but then again it always has so that's not new.

-My pets are healthy and happy and chubby. Trixie decided to whack Archie in the face a couple of weeks ago and as soon as it happened it was immediately clear that she was painful. I checked her eye and could see a visible scratch on her cornea. Cue my overactive vet tech imagination where I envisioned a puncture leading to a corneal ulcer leading to an enucleation and a one eyed rabbit (I've seen this exact scenario more than once so my fears weren't unfounded). After calling every veterinarian in the area that I could think of (Crying. Let's not leave out that I was crying because I can't handle my pets in pain) none of them could see her (it was a Saturday and it turns out finding a vet who sees exotics on a Saturday is more difficult than convincing me to wear pants between April and November) so I drove her over an hour away to a veterinarian that I had a working relationship with and who I knew specialized in cats and rabbits. In the end the injury was a fairly deep scratch but no puncture so we drove back home with pain medication and eye drops and within a few days (and a bag of yogurt drops as rewards for letting me shove things in her eye) she was as good as new. Moral of the story: my cat has anger issues and my rabbit is a money pit. 

The only thing about having to take her to the vet is that she actually want to be held.

-Archie turned two right before her eye injury. I gave her a cardboard box with a hole cut in the side and she liked it even better than the $200 hutch she got for last year's birthday. Live and learn.

-I've been really dedicated to running lately because it's the one stable thing I have to hang on to right now. Since January I have done the Resolution Run (I think it was 4-5 miles, it's really informal and the route changes every year so I'm not sure), the Chilly Chili 5k (you might remember it from last year when it was my only DNF to date because my pants were falling down...and if you don't remember from reading it here then don't worry, my mom did and didn't let me forget it), the Tipp Hill Shamrock Run which is 4 miles and I PR'd, and the Syracuse Half Marathon (I'll write a longer post about that one, it was a great race). I finally found a group of people to run with which has been beneficial not just for the camaraderie but for learning how to push myself. I had fallen into a rut of running with people who were slower than me so I wasn't ever pushing myself. For example in January I ran the Chilly Chili at a 12 minute mile pace and by March I had gotten my 5k pace down to 10 minute miles. Yeah, this is still painfully slow but I stuck to my plan that 2012 was to get my distance back and 2013 was to get my times back down. I'm really close to getting back into 9-- minute miles now and I'm pretty proud of that even if a toddler on a scooter could pass me. I'm thankful for the awesome people I have met who have pushed me to push myself even if I did throw up in someone's yard when I was training for the Tipp Hill run (to be fair I was really sick and I was a snot faucet but I ran anyway).

-One of my most awesome friends sent me the Garmin Forerunner 10 for Christmas and it's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Have I ever mentioned how lucky I am in the friend department? Because I am. I have no idea why when all I do is talk about my rabbit and rocks and nailpolish and running but somehow they stick around. Blessed, I tell you.

Yes, I'm on the phone in this picture. I'm a multitasker.

-I finally joined a gym! Which was huge since I hate the idea of doing anything other than running and I was really excited about trying new things but...then I started spending an hour on the treadmill killing myself on intervals (and sweating like a mother), then spending 30 minutes on the stairmasters and then going home. This backfired on me big time because despite spending an hour and a half at the gym a day plus running 15+ miles outside a week after a month and a half I did not lose one pound, one inch or one bit of body fat (I was eating really well too). After rethinking and reevaluating and of course researching it all I am going to start strength training tomorrow. I might even start doing P90X finally the thought of which makes me want to hyperventilate but I need to start building muscle and stop being such an untoned cardio junkie.

-Oh! I finally put my Kitchenaid mixer to a real test!

First I bought Guinness for the first time.

Then I turned it (and a ton of other ingredients) into homemade marshmallows.

Then I covered a bunch in chocolate, crushed pretzels and sea salt!

Do not correlate any of this to the above talk of weight loss because I swear I did not eat one of of them.

I ate 5. Oops. But I ran 7 miles first, I swear :)


So there you have it. Four months, one update. What's new with you?

Why I run.

Tuesdays and sometimes Thursdays have become my favorite and least favorite days of the week. It's the day that I run with people who are much faster. And by much faster I mean that I spend 5 miles trying not to throw up with they are trotting along looking bored. I hate these days because who wants to spend all that time trying not to throw up in front of other people? And I love them because I am finally pushing myself to become a better runner.

I know that a lot of people don't understand why I run. And I know that because they tell me. I'm not the best or the fastest and I never will be and yet I spend hundreds of dollars every year to enter races that I won't win. I spend hours that turn into days sweating into my eyes and ears and popping blisters and putting aloe on rashes from my clothes and icing my knee when it's raining and standing in the shower because I am so frozen solid that I don't think I will ever feel my toes again.

And I get it. If I wasn't me I wouldn't understand it either. Especially since I met someone a couple of months ago who HAS been the best, the winner, the 5-6 minute mile runner so I know what drives him even though he has never told me.

But I can tell you the exact minute I became a runner. In 2009 I started walking after work to lose weight. Then I slowly started running, for 30 seconds at a time. After a few months of that I managed a mile. And after a few months of that I signed up for a 5k and did that and thought I was amazing. Still, none of that made me a runner.

On October 31, 2009 at 8am my phone rang and woke me up from a deep sleep. I had been at a work Halloween party the night before and even though I left around 10pm, I drove around until midnight because something felt off in my universe. Something I couldn't put my finger on. So I was out late and got home after midnight and then had a hard time falling asleep which led to me still sleeping at 8am even though I rarely sleep that late.

The phone call was from my high school best friend, someone who I never talked to until my theater class when I was 17 and have loved dearly since. She was upset with my because I hadn't told her that my dad had died. That she had just read his obituary in the paper and it said he passed away on Thursday and here it was Saturday so why hadn't I told her?

It's because I didn't know.

And I really don't want to get into the back story of it but if you knew me when I was small, before my parents decided to separate, you would know that my dad was my world. But because of circumstances I had no control over I had decided 5 years previous to his passing to sever ties with him to make his life easier. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but I would probably do it again if I had to. But because of this I never knew he was sick. He didn't want me to know. He didn't think that he was so close to the end. He didn't know that he wouldn't have another chance to see me. And neither did I.

At 8am on October 31, 2009 my entire world fell out from under my feet. Have you ever heard that expression, "No regrets"? It's the biggest bunch of crap I have ever heard. Regret is something you don't really understand until it hits you in the face with its finality. Until you're pacing the floor for hours and don't even know how it went from 8am to 2pm. Until you stand in the middle of the living room, staring at the wall and wondering what could you have done differently? What could you have changed? And did he know? Did he know how much you loved him? And did he think of you before he was gone?

I somehow drove to the lake that day. I can't tell you how but I did. I remember standing there, in the same exact spot I had stood on countless times before getting my ipod ready and untangling my headphones and straightening my shoelaces, and wondering what to do next. And I did the only thing I could: I ran.

I only ran for two miles that day but I felt everything in the past 29 years of my life drain beneath my feet. The regret and the agony and the sadness and the fear, all of it. Just gone. I cried but I didn't know why because my mind was completely blank. I ran for the first time not with a goal of finishing but just because I could. And when I was done I got in my car and drove home and got up the next day and did it again. And again. And every day I could since.

I know most people don't have that story of how they became a runner. I know it's because they are good at it or a friend got them into it or the entered a race and loved it. And none of these stories make them any more or any less of a runner than I am. This is just mine. I am a runner because I need to be. And I will be as long as I am able to.

Perfection?

I was really excited about 2013. The tail end of 2011 was pretty darn awful and 2012 was a constant struggle to get my life back to where it was in 2010. I have an intense love for odd numbers with 5 being my favorite and 3 coming in a very close second so I was really excited for 2013 a year with not only a three in it but a year where I was to turn 33. 2010 was awesome, 2011 was a slippery slope, 2012 was a struggle and 2013 was supposed to be the year that I stopped with the dreaming of perfection and worked on what truly made me happy instead of what I THINK should make me happy.

The end of 2012 was still a struggle with my back injury and some other issues but I entered the new year pretty solid until two weeks in when I was hit with a massive b*tch slap of reality to the face. Without going into specifics I will say that I have spent the last 5 weeks wallowing in self pity and slowly realizing that what happened wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could do to change it. That's a hard thing for a Type A, overachieving perfectionist to admit to herself but it is the truth and I need to stop beating myself up over it and I am. The good news is that it has nothing to do with my health or anyone else's though which I am extremely grateful for.

In the world of the internet it's easy to put on a facade that life is perfect or pretty darn close. Instagram filters and 140 characters on Twitter and Facebook statuses that are funny or vague enough that people think you're living the high life can easily mask everything else. Despite my desire to flood every social media outlet I can with glimpses of my life because I really do just like attention (only child syndrome, what's can I say) I just don't like delving into my personal life unless you are very close to me and will always maintain that those outlets aren't the place to air your dirty laundry. I really do strive to do everything in my power to make people laugh because honestly, no matter how hard your life is there is someone out there going through something harder. I have several people who are very near and dear to me who have been going through things that are much more difficult that I am and I think about them often and how lucky I am. And I admit it, I just don't want to write about the bad things so that my life looks like it's exactly how I want it to be and in general I like to try and put a good spin on the negative.

But let's face it, sometimes those perfect snippets of everyone else's internet lives are hard to take when you're sitting at home on a Friday night wishing that Say Yes to the Dress wasn't on for 5 hours straight and that you hadn't made the decision two weeks previous that drinking alone wasn't the best idea given your family history. It turns out that when you're in your 30's your social media is constantly flooded with engagements and wedding planning and wedding anniversaries and pregnancies and babies and it's really easy to fixate on the 18 books on wedding planning that you have sitting on the top shelf of your closet in a box duct taped to oblivion with strict instructions to never touch them under penalty of death because just a short year and a half ago 2013 was going to mean something very different than it currently does.

But when I think about it I am aware of the fact that there are probably people who think that my life has something enviable, too because it really does. I have a life that I have worked hard for and am completely independent. I moved out for college when I was 18 and officially moved out when I was 22 and have been self sufficient ever since. I don't own real estate and my student loans after 6 years of college could make a normal person hyperventilate but I've spilled some serious blood, sweat and tears to get to where I am and I am proud of it. I travel a lot, I have friends who love me very much (enough to send me flowers on Valentine's day and boxes full of Hello Kitty items when my heart is shredded) and the cutest darn rabbit that you ever saw (and cat too but if we're talking in desirable things we have to be honest and know that although I adore her Trix isn't part of most people's equations). And even when single life gets me down and I feel like I haven't accomplished a thing because I don't have a cookie cutter house in a Syracuse suburb with a husband and two little red headed mini-me's (I refuse to give birth to anything but, FYI) and a bank account that will let me retire early I think about the fact that I get to run as often as I want and drink milk right out of the carton and when I clean the bathroom on Sundays the white tile around my toilet is just as spotless as it was the week before when I cleaned it. And you should see my BCBG dress collection, sometimes it makes me tear up because it's so pretty.

My point is that I'm sorry I've been gone. I'm sorry that I didn't want to write anything because my life isn't as perfect as I want it to be. I'm sorry that instead of telling people I am hurting I will always shove it down and deal with it on my own (which is most likely never going to change). But I really do miss writing about my running and what makeup I am obsessed with and what my rabbit has done recently to make me yell at her and then immediately give her a treat because I feel so awful about it (she has me trained). Even if there are 5 people who read this I am here to say that I miss it. So I am back. And hopefully a little more honest about things instead of using the "Internet perfection" that is so easy to fall into.

Now who is ready to hear about my 2013 race schedule? Or that I have an awful sinus cold which lead to me throwing up on the side of the road 3.5 miles into a 4.5 mile run tonight? It really is a good story, I promise.

Last Friday night. Me, my girls, Smartwool socks and Duck Dynasty.

Blog Sale #2!

SALE IS CLOSED, THANK YOU FOR LOOKING!


Hi, all!

Long time no talk to! Lots of things have been going on in my life, most of which aren't any fun to talk about, so I went on hiatus but I am hoping to start posting again because I miss it.

I recently had this epiphany that I own way too many clothes so I cleared out my closet again and are offering them up to you! Here's how it works:

If you want an item (or two or three) email me at maresydotesblog@gmail.com with a list of the exact items you want including (and especially) the number next to the item. First come, first served and I will post SOLD on the item as soon as it is confirmed and paid for (I will indicate it on here as PENDING during that time). Paypal only, please. Shipping only open to US (sorry :/) and will be calculated through the USPS website and I will include it with the Paypal invoice.

1) Asymmetrical shirt, Forever 21, Size S. $6

SOLD 2) Teal cami, Limited, Size S, $5

SOLD 3) Salmon cami, Express, Size S, $5

SOLD 4) (It refuses to be vertical) Blush cami, JCrew, Size S, $5

 SOLD 5) White cami, Jessica Simpson, Size M, $5

SOLD 6) Striped cami, Loft, Size S, $6

SOLD 7) Cream cardi, Banana Republic, Size S, $6

SOLD 8) Blush Haberdashery shirt, JCrew, Size S, $6

SOLD 9) Maroon sequin tshirt, Banana Republic, Size S, $6

SOLD 10) Lilac/grey button down, Marshalls, Size S, $5

SOLD 11) Teal tunic, Kenarie, Size S, $5

12) Black short sleeved shirt, Banana Republic, Size XS, $5

13) Black satin cami, off brand, $3

SOLD 14) Grey hoodie sweatshirt dress, Victoria's Secret PINK, Size S, $10

SOLD 15) Peach and cream tank, JCrew, Size S, $6

16) Navy shirt, Forever 21, Size S, $6

17) Floral dress, Express, Size XS, $7

18) Cream babydoll dress, JCrew, Size XS (runs very large), $7

SOLD 19) Green cami with purple beading, off brand, size M, $3

SOLD 20) Cream lace cami, Marshalls brand, Size S, $5

SOLD 21) Navy strawberry shirt, Francesca's Closet, size L, $6

SOLD 22) Cream shirt with navy placket, Ideeli brand, size L, $6

 SOLD 23) Grey ruffled shirt, Ann Taylor, Size M, $7

SOLD 24) Striped cami, Forever 21, Size L, $3

SOLD 25) Beige lace shirt, Forever 21, Size L, $5

26) Cropped black sequin cardi, Express, Size M, $6

SOLD 27) Cream button down, Old Navy, Size L, $5

SOLD 28) Striped tshirt, Aerie, Size M, $5

29) White peasant shirt, American Eagle, size S, $5

SOLD 30) Red and navy dress, Jason Wu for Target, Size L, $10

SOLD 31) Navy and white striped dress (without belt), Target, Size XL, $6

SOLD 32) Blush dress (brand new but tiny hole at one wrist that was there when I bought it), H&M, Size M, $7

SOLD 33) Navy strappy dress, Hollister, Size L, $8

Thank so much for looking and rest assure that the money from anything purchased with go directly to me buying new running shoes!

Reverse Christmas Tree Topper Tutorial

This week I'm linking up with an awesome lady whose blog I stalk over at NewlyWoodwards for the Dare to DIY Christmas challenge.


A few weeks ago I was thinking about Christmas decorations and how much I was dreading putting them up since it's not a holiday I have been looking forward to this year. However I found myself on Pinterest one day perusing the "everything" board and came across a tutorial on how to make paper stars. I am a bit of a crafting nut when something gets into my head and here is how it went:

That star tutorial is really cool, I love stars!

What could I make them out of? Ohhh, vellum, I love vellum!

Then what would I do with them? If they're vellum I should hang them somewhere!

Where to hang them...where to hang them...oh! I could make a mobile!

No...maybe I could hang them above the tree since my star always falls over...

OMG I COULD MAKE A REVERSE TREE TOPPER!!!! AND I MUST DO IT RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND!!!


So I did. And other than being covered in glitter for 24 hours and having to hone my fine motor skills to tie thin thread onto an embroidery hoop, it was pretty easy. It also got me excited about decorating which is good because my living room looks wonderful now and I am hating Christmas a lot less so mission accomplished.

Here's what you need:
-Paper of your choice (I used vellum because it's translucent and pretty and some thinner paper with gold accents, make sure it's not thick card stock or it will be difficult to cut)
-Thin thread or clear fishing line (I wanted fishing line at first but opted for a goldish silver thread for the sewing section at Joann's for a bit more sparkle)
-Embroidery hoop
-Glue
-Paint brush
-Glitter (I used Martha's Stewart glitter in Copper)
-Scissors
-Tiny hole punch

First cut out your stars in different sizes. You can do any shape you want or cut them in any way you want (origami stars would be more substantial if you wanted that look). I used this tutorial.

Then punch a small hole in the top of each one using a small hole punch and tie thread through the hole in a knot (don't worry about the length because you can adjust it later).

Prepare your embroidery hoop by covering it with glue and then glitter. Get glitter on the cat for sure so you find piles of it when you go the bed that night. Let it dry for a few hours.

Tie the stars on in varying lengths. I fought with them getting tangled for a while until I had the genius idea of putting the hoop over the top of a lamp shade and tying them on there so they would stay spaced evenly and I could see what lengths I needed. I will have glitter on that lamp shade for life but whatever.

Glitter, glitter everywhere...

There are probably a million different ways to hang this but I just wanted it up so I just wrapped some thread around the middle of the hoop a few times and secured it to the ceiling with thumbtacks. Classy, right? You really can't even tell unless you're looking for them.

And that's it! The whole thing cost me maybe $10 and took about an hour total to complete. And I probably won't want to untangle the stars next year so I will most likely throw it away when I'm done with it. Or never take it down. Both are solid possibilities.

And here is my fully decorated living room!

The other thing I made this year was that garland which is just felt circles glued to baker's string. Last year I made the mason jars filled with glitter and trees and also the Christmas lights with ribbon (although I had to retie all the ribbon on new lights this year when the bun chewed the cord one too many times).

Trixie is still pretty ticked to find out there are no gifts for her, though.

I can only have a small tree on a table to discourage kitties and buns from ingesiting fake needles.

Don't google "rabbit toys". Just don't.

I ordered the bun's Christmas presents last night. Yes, I am one of "those" owners who gets their pets gifts. Judge if you will, I'm cool with it. Last year was Archie's first Christmas and she was so excited to have a little box to unwrap with treats inside. It took her 10-15 minutes to get it open but she finally managed it. Maybe I'll try to video tape it this year. Trixie is receiving nothing because cats don't care. Well, she does but here is how it goes:

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG A NEW CATNIP MOUSE!!! I am going to kick it and lick it and throw it and beat it and sit on it and ignore it and then attack it and love it and sleep with it and put it in my water bowl and take it out of my water bowl and shove it under the couch and then dig it out from under the couch and pretend I lose it but know where it is the whole time and cry until you retrieve it and OMG this is the best present eeeeeeever!!! *purr purr kick purr throw purr claw purr purr*

<Shortly thereafter>

Catnip mouse? Please. That is so 5 minutes ago. Fill my dish, servant. I'm going to go find a pair of your shoes to vomit in and then I will lay sprawled in the middle of your bed and hiss if you disturb my slumber.

Proof of this: asleep on the chair and ottoman with not one care.

And then she never touches it again. This is not a dramatization, she has been mine for 10 years and I know how she is so instead she gets a tiny portion of prime rib that I bring home for her from Christmas dinner and I tie some curling ribbon to some door knobs for her to attack and all is happy in her kitty world.

At the opposite end of the spectrum the bun loves everything new that I get for her and plays with it happily for week if not months. I ordered her a really cool looking enrichment toy that I found on Amazon that she has to figure out how to get the treats out of. She has one I got her on Etsy last year that she loves so I'm interested to see if she likes new one.

Anyway, this whole rambling boring business about my pets was really to just warn you of this: do NOT type in "Rabbit toys" to Amazon and then forget to select "pets and supplies" as a category. Do not. I am permanently scarred now.

Really, that's where I was going with that. I have no idea how to be concise. And I have had a migraine for a week so my brain is Jello (but really, we all know that has nothing to do with my rambling ways).

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The Runner's World Running Streak Challenge I decided to start doing on Thanksgiving is going well. I missed a few days due to my back hurting pretty badly (just for a couple of days, in general it's doing pretty well) and then due to a (as of today) 7 day migraine but missing 3 days out of 18 isn't awful so I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Running with a migraine can be pretty painful because of all the pounding and blood rushing around but I ran 6 miles this morning and am spending the rest of the day in bed to try and ward it off before the work craziness starts up. And it's going to be crazy! I am really liking the running challenge though, I didn't realize how much I missed a daily run until I started doing it again. I really miss having a treadmill in my house but I have a desk where it used to be and no other room to fit a new one so I might join a gym so that I can run at 11pm if I want. Which I do sometimes. I've been running a lot at the lake I got my start in running at and although I don't love it all the time, it's fast and easy and carries a huge amount of nostalgia with it.

My Curltember Challenge is going even better than the running challenge and I have not missed a day of that. If you remember from my previous post I am curling my hair daily in honor of one of my good friends who has breast cancer. I hate being so far from her during this and it's my way of keeping her in the front of my mind and letting her know that she's there. I will tell you this: Hot Tools Curling irons, Argon Oil and Kenra 25 hairspray are my BFF's right now. There's been some road bumps along this curly road but I'm getting closer and closer to hair that should be allowed out in public every day.

Is anyone else doing the running challenge? How about the "shop as much as possible without actually buying a thing you need for Christmas girfts" challenge? I made that one up right after Thanksgiving, too and I have been doing fantastically at it.