However, the fact that my phones weren't charged had a negative impact on my day since I have a weird internal clock so even though I sleep like the dead I typically wake up before my alarm. If I seem to think my alarm may not work (in the case of my phones both being dead and despite the fact that I set the hotel alarm) then I will be up at an ungodly hour so that I don't oversleep. Today is going to be a killer too and I anticipate it being around 14-15 hours long so things aren't looking good already.
I also woke up pretty sad which is understandable, it's kind of a sad week in my life. It's also a busy week and I should have used the time I was awake to go to the fitness center and run but here's the thing: I'm a chicken. My chicken status is a new development and something I am trying to work on so let me tell you about it.
When I started my job two years ago I was at my lowest weight and a size 4/6. I started training for my half marathon the day that I stepped off the plane in Maine and trained for it the entire 3 months of my work training that took place all over the country. Because of that I got VERY used to hotel treadmills. It's safe to say that I have seen the fitness center of almost every Hilton property in NY.
Since I stopped running last year and gained weight I lost a lot of my confidence. And with that confidence went my ability to disregard thinking about what OTHER people think of me. I never used to care and to be honest, I still don't when I am running on the open road. But when it comes to hotel fitness, it's not often that you see the average person working out at 5:30am. Usually they are already fit people who are working hard to stay that way. Add that to the fact that there are usually only 2 or 3 treadmills and they are within 2 feet of each other and surrounded by floor to ceiling mirrors and it's enough to make a chubby gal hyperventilate. Add THAT to the fact that I am currently sitting in a king sized bed on the top executive floor of the Embassy Suites in downtown Buffalo, NY and there's no way I am going into that fitness center with the guaranteed eye candy that is bound to be there.
All of this is ridiculous of course. And I am completely aware of it. But self doubt is a difficult thing to beat down and quiet once it's made itself (loudly) known. I'm frustrated with myself because a run is exactly what I needed this morning and I let my inner demons talk myself out of it. The good news is I am an ever-changing work in progress so I think that in another month or two I am going to be able to shut those inner voices up and just go to the darn gym because things aren't going to get better until I make them better.
On that note, and in an effort to get the sad away, here are some funny videos to start your day. Happy Wednesday :)